A Change In Seasons

I wasn't disappointed when a wheel came off the lawn mower tonight. Although it left the back yard with an odd design of mowed grass, we finished the front so at least the appearance of our front yard from the curb looks nice and manicured. The lawn mower breaking was a sure sign that we should have been spending our Friday night doing something different. B finished the edging and we put our things away for the night. Besides, it was getting dark and the bugs were plentiful. We got a late start since I got home a bit late from work after returning some borrowed baby items that we had from our friends Jeremy and Amy coming into town last weekend. It was their first time flying with their 5 month old, Noah. It is amazing how much packing is required when traveling with a baby. Yet, after spending the weekend with them, I'm even more convinced that it's time for Brian and I to become parents. It was a fun weekend, getting to see our friends and get to know baby Noah a little better. Below is little Noah with mommy Amy, then charming Brian and I to pieces!

B wanted to try and fix the mower or borrow a neighbors mower to finish the task, but I talked him out of it. Too dark and too buggy!

Funny observation though when I was mowing. Keeping in mind that I like to mow listening to my ipod, it just makes the job a bit more soothing. I love music of all kinds and being able to listen to it, uninterrupted, while it's being funneled clearly into my ears, just brings me a little bit closer to my emotionally artistic side. So, my summer play list that I've been happily listening to all summer....just seemed dead. I couldn't find anything I was interested in listening to. I've accumulated a good 100 or so summer songs that tugged on my music soul this summer, and all of a sudden, poof, I'm not interested in them anymore. Each time I'd find a song in the list I thought I would enjoy listening to, I'd start it and then I just wasn't feeling it. There wasn't one single song that I enjoyed connecting with. I took my ear buds out and just listened to the mower, until the wheel broke off, that is!

I guess our life has seasons, just like mother nature. The soundtrack of life's seasons changes just as quickly as the leaves on the trees. The grass in my lawn is thick, green, and weed free this season. In the winter season, it is not. The songs on my play list take me back to other memories of the summer where I heard them a lot before. Nothing was connecting tonight. I need to wipe out that play list, create a new one with other songs, and make some more memories. Don't get me wrong, those older ones aren't bad memories, and I'll think back to them often when things remind me of them. But I don't need to be carrying them around on my ipod. I've downloaded some great artists this month, so onward to the new season!

My fall soundtrack will entail some Jack Johnson. I downloaded him and he's been sitting on the back burner. Daughtry's new cd, Leave This Town, is rockin! I love it! He's definitely in my fall soundtrack. And Harry Connick Jr. and Eminem both have new cd's out, so I'll try them out too. I love all kinds of music. It all touches my emotions in some form or fashion. There is pleasure to be found in discovering new things.

If I Said You Have A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?

That has got to be one of my top favorites from the classic country genre. Released in 1979 by the Bellamy Brothers, it goes on to say... "If I swore you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?" It's a very simple song that gets right to the point.

Speaking of beautiful bodies..... I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about my latest "happening". (It seems as though I can be a bit shy with the "dear diary" blog-ishness of some of my posts.) But then I thought, why not?

I had a small Smart (laser) Lipo procedure last week. I had my 37 year old "love handles" sculpted down. They were done beautifully, if I may brag on my physician Dr. Guthrie. i don't consider myself a fat or larger person by any means. So don't think i have some sort of distorted body image issue, i don't. This was a simple gift to myself, to get rid of a midsection nuisance.

B and I are still very committed to our fertility goals, but we've decided to take a less aggressive path on our journey to getting pregnant and starting a family right now. I think my stressing and obsessing was doing me more harm than good. We've taken a break from letting that goal dictate every decision we make about everything, which was becoming the view from the road lately. When I do get pregnant, if I eat right and exercise appropriately, my nicely sculpted shape should return. I am really happy about the way my shape turned out. Not an over-the-top change by any means. Just a nice, proportionately done contouring. I will reveal all... recovery is not as "next day" as advertisers make is seem. it hurt like one hell of an SOB. But, I'm extremely happy I did it. Brian is happy that I'm happy. He plays the wonderful husband role very well, being able to compliment my new look without making me feel as if the "before" was any less pleasing. Just wait till the swelling goes down, wink wink!

Teen Angst...I Miss It. The Slow Progression Of A New Twilight Fan

Angst and anxiety come with growing up. It's a healthy part of our psyche i believe. Looking back at the teen angst years and remembering the innocence and the ignorance of that time, would you go back if you could? I finally watched the movie Twilight the other night. It wasn't what I was expecting, in that it was much tamer. I don't know why I thought it more of an adult vampire flick, i didn't have much reason to think that, or anything different for that matter. Nonetheless, it didn't peak my interest early on as it seemed to for so many others. I was so not on the Twilight band-wagon.

A few months ago I was at the mall doing some sister quality time and retail therapy. She's my best friend when it comes to fashion shopping. (We can really have some fun at a Dillard's 75% off sale.) She's always my partner in crime when it comes to explaining to my hubby why i need another pair of shoes or an oh-i-love-that pair of pants or pencil skirt. (Always after the purchase has been made of course.) I think I tried sneaking in a thing or two in the past, but he always notices. He's a pay attention kind of guy.

We were in the book store browsing between clothing department dressing room marathons. I always like to read what's on the Best Seller list. As in the titles, not the books themselves. And I always check out the clearance tables. They usually have the coolest reference books. I
most often cannot get out of a book store without buying a few books. I most enjoy the reference books of different topics, especially if they are easy reads. Most recently I bought this one and it's matching 50 Physics Ideas and 50 Philosophy Ideas.

So, once I've moved through the non-fiction selections, I saw a table with fiction sellers. A good long book to read when I'm relaxing on our upcoming cruise would be great. I see the Twilight table that has totally dedicated itself to the franchise. It peaked my interest.

I even asked the sales lady if it was really as good as all the hype. Her answer must have been a good one, since I ended up buying it to accompany me on the mornings during the cruise when I wake up early, as the sun is rising over the ocean horizon, and throw on a swimsuit from the day before (and a killer new cover up I just ordered from VS...or my jean cutoffs and a sweatshirt, or my pj's, i did that on more than one occasion during my 2:00am cravings for soft serve chocolate ice cream that's on a serve-yourself basis 24/7).... then head up the elevator to the Lido Deck and grab some coffee and a danish. If Brian gets up too, we usually do the whole eggs, bacon, and pancakes routine.

Elevators in the Main Atrium

Lido Deck

Carnival Destiny

Then I make my way to a lounge chair on the top deck of the massive ship, this literal playground on the sea, to get my fill of the perfectly balanced cool/warm breeze on my enjoyably sensitive sun baked skin. The ocean is such a wonderous mysterious living being with infinite options of personality. I'm most often taken away and humbled by it's depth, both physically and spiritually. I drink my coffee. I read a bit.

I bought the book. It's sitting in the small "cruise necessities" pile. (Let me digress and say how MUCH I'm looking forward to our upcoming vacation. It didn't seem like too long ago that we were on our last cruise. This time with a true pair of BFF's, Jeremy and Amy. What a great year 2008 was. Lot's of memories. But the Year In Review is another Dear Diary entry.)

....I was having trouble getting sleepy one night last week or so. While flipping through the channels I decided to watch Twilight on On Demand. I love movies. All kinds of movies. And I wish I had more time to watch movies. I love the entertainment value of a great movie and the escape into the emotions of others existence, the fictional and non fictional drama.

I struggled with whether I should read the Twilight book first, then watch the movie. Or vice versa. This time, I chose to see the movie first. Amazingly wonderful movie. Absolutely exceeded my expectations. And for a fictional movie of such youthful innocence, it had the ability to hit at those emotional inner strings that have permanent, albeit hidden at times, memories of our own teen angst years embedded in the fibers. Twilight strikes a chord. And it feels good.

I'm inclined to believe that I'll get more pages of the book read during my trip, now that i've been comfortably afflicted by the on-screen version of the story. I have become a Twilight fan.

What Keeps My Sanity In Check

My experiences over the past 37 years have taught me that my happiness and sanity comes from maintaining 2 separate lives for myself. My work life and my home life. When one starts to seep into the other it causes unnecessary and unwanted drama. I'm more joyful in both of my two environments when they are maintained individually and free from each other. I am working at a facility where I have chosen, for the first time in my professional career, to not develop any emotionally attached friendships with any of my co-workers, fellow directors, or my boss... "friendships" meaning spending time with co-workers outside of work, on weekends, or at social things outside the requirements of the job. Mixing work and play is hard to balance and when the balance is off, personal drama ensues.

At age 37 I feel more comfortable, confident and content in my own skin than I've ever been in any of the previous chapters of my life. I'm enjoying this more and more each day. However, I'm having trouble with the 3-years-from-40 equation. I've not really been one to notice my age at any time throughout my life, but this year it's been sitting annoyingly and noticeably on my back like the too large shoulder pad of an oversized, out of fashion 1990's button-up shirt. Should I be excited that I'm 3 years from 40 and think of it as a glowing milestone in life that will transport me to another dimension where the motto plays out to be true... life really does start at 40?. If I can roll into my 40's rockin it like Diane Lane or Jennifer Aniston, then bring it on I say! BTW, I'm back to running three nights a week and it feels great! I'm also attempting to change my grocery shopping habits and buy more organic. More on all this on a later post. .....Back to my 2-separate-lives theory of happiness....

I love my work life and everything about my job, including the people and tasks that make it what it is. I couldnt imagine doing anything different or being anywhere else. I'm fulfilled professionally by conquering the challenges of healthcare human resources and operations and celebrating the small but frequent victory's that come around quite often when you make a conscious effort to notice them.

I love my home life and everything about my awesome family and friends. We support each other unconditionally and never begrudge each other our joys. We play hard because we know we work hard to be able to. We enjoy life's ups and downs and laugh often with each other. Discussing memories we've made together, dreams we've yet to achieve, and all the blessings in our life is how we pass the time when we're together. Time passes quickly and joyfully.

I love my two lives and what each require of me. Keeping my efforts separate, and taking a break every day from each one, is what keeps me loving them both. That's what keeps me happy and sane, and loving it all.

It's A Must To Love Your Hair Dresser!

It is! And I really think I found a new permanent hair chick again. It's been several years, yes I said years, since I had a relationship with a hair dresser I love. I've been trying to find someone I click with for a long time. When the lady I had gone to for years and years left the business, suddenly and due to illness, it left me lonely and confused. I had to start "trying out" new ones. That totally sucks. You never know what it's going to be like, it's like a blind date. So I've been "dating around" for the last 3 and a half years so to speak, trying to find that special someone that I, and my hair, connect with.

I'm excited to say I really believe the search is over. A friend of mine told me about Allison and said she and her family have been going to her for many years. I've had her phone number in my wallet for a while, but neglected to call. Sinking to my lowest at the observation of my silver gray roots extending out from my scalp a good inch and a half, I finally called her last week for her first available appointment. It was for today. The salon is great, about a mile from my office towards downtown. It's directly next door to Tiny Lounge, a great little bar I had been to before, but so tiny and not frequent enough, I didn't realize there's been a salon next door to it for the past 4 years. It's on the edge of the downtown redevelopment efforts, the art district of t town i guess.

Allison and I hit it off right away. She knew exactly what I was telling her when explaining what I'm looking for in a hair chick and the cut and color I prefer. It was great. The color came out perfect as if I'd been going to her for years. And we really had a good dialogue the entire time. Honestly, I felt like hugging her when I left. I knooooow! She was that awesome.

Come on, when you sit for 2.5 to 3 hours, every 6 weeks religiously, with someone who is grooming a part of your body the entire length of your stay, you want someone you enjoy as much as possible. I don't want to settle for a bad experience. And it's been a few years worth of bad or mediocre experiences. I wouldn't say I'm more picky than the average Joe about finding the right one, and I'm certainly not afraid of commitment, I just really couldn't find anyone I liked enough. Then that just leads to a depressing cycle of waiting. I've really let myself go at times, afraid of calling the less-than-impressive, yet familiar, person. I knew i wasn't going to be wowed by the outcome, so why stay motivated to commit to a routine.

The torture is over. I think I'll be sticking with Allison. I'm out of my hair funk finally. This brightens my day on so many levels. When my hair looks like crap, i look like crap, which makes me feel crappy. it's a vicious cycle. The clouds have parted. My hair looks great, it no longer wants to bow it's little head in shame. woo-hoo!!

Seriously, this calls for a celebration. Let's celebrate with a clothing purchase. I think I see a new shirt in my near future.

Approaching End Of Year Two

I'm more in love with my husband today than at any other time of our short, almost 2 year marriage. We celebrate our 2nd anniversary in mid October. It's true what they say, the first year is definitely the hardest. But the hard work pays off. Remember those 6 words every time you start to struggle with whether or not it really does, at any year.

My first one went through 6 years. Exactly five years, 9 months and 4 days. From wedding date to the divorce date. Don't get me wrong, I don't recite that to myself everyday as some sort of self infliction of emotional pain. Frankly, that was the first time I sat down and calculated it out...just for kicks this evening. But I digress.

We start to realize this more as we grow older. Each year that is. If we take what we learn during the growth of our first year and apply it to our actions when living the 2nd year, we succeed in capturing some happy peaceful times. And so on and so forth. (I believe the emphasis on the words in that phrase are "on" and "forth", not the two "so" word as people most commonly say. And it sounds even better with a slight English air. You can somewhat picture Renee Zellwigger repeating those words in a line from one of her chick flicks. "...and so ON.....and so FORTH!......"

Again, digressing.

B and I are in a happy peaceful chapter in our marriage. Enjoying the memories we worked hard to get. This past year, and more so these last couple of months, going through our fertility struggles together has brought us closer. I love him so much for that. Both Brian him and God Him. We've come to understand each other more deeply and more patiently. And we laugh more together. I just adore him.

I will admit, B and I are much better people, much happier, and things seem to go our way more often when we are attending church regularly. I'm not what some would call a bible waiver, don't get me wrong, but I love church. I haven't always loved church, nor have i always attended church; truth be told, there have been several times throughout my life where I've seriously doubted the existence of God and Jesus. Those were, looking back now, sad times, although growing, evolving times. At the time they were just plain lost and confused times. I can look back now and smile proudly that those times are over and feel blessed that those times have led me to where I am today. We leave church every Sunday feeling rejuvenated and happy and emotionally inspired. Who wouldn't want that? Seriously.

Back to happy people. Our music director who sort of probably wouldn't know us from Adam (pun very intended), Jesse, gets us pumped every Sunday morning. Pastor Hess is great too. He married us. We started looking for a home church shortly after B moved in. We really didn't look long, SHBC was the 3rd one we visited and it just clicked. We went for a while, we joined, then I got baptised there, we got married there, and after 2 years of attending, i think we might now join a life group and make some friends there. Church friends. That's a big step. It's a big responsibility to take on the commitment to make friends.

B and I have our routine of going to lunch right after church. It's a Nutt thing to do. We love it because it's corny, but we pick out a different restaurant each Sunday, just for kicks. It's a must to be playful.

These seem to be my thoughts tonight. It is getting very late, but I am having trouble sleeping. It's 2:10 in the morning. My body is tired and my head is fighting it. The sound of the storm outside is soothing. My boxer is laying on the ottoman behind me and snoring softly. B is in bed and has been for about an hour and a half. I smile as I say that because the thought of him brings happiness to my heart and thus a smile to my face. That triggers my desire to go lay in bed next to his warm body and end this sharing of my minds' labors tonight. My eyes are heavy.

Goodnight blog.

I'm addicted to blogs...

I don't know how it happened, but I've become strangely addicted to blogs. Not just writing in my own, but also reading other peoples. My interest in other peoples blogs has crept up on me like an incurable rash. I just love clicking on the "next blog" button to see who's blog is going to pop up. There is a never ending scroll of peoples blogs, from all over the world, that will keep popping up as long as you keep clicking that button. I can try and mask the itch of curiosity, but why, when scratching feels so good!

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to how they pop up. They are in no particular order and have no common subject matter. I do get annoyed when I get a string of foreign language blogs come up all in a row, though. I understand that people in china want to share their family happenings with their family and friends, just like we Americans do, and I don't mind viewing them every now and again...it kind of reminds me how we human beings, all over the world, are really so very similar in our goals, dreams, and challenges, for being so very different in other ways... however, I wish there was a way to filter what kinds of blogs pop up when you click on the "next blog" button. I don't like the blogs where people sell their crap either, just the blogs where people share their memories and adventures of life. Maybe there is a way to filter and I just don't know about it, being new to this whole blog thing myself.

Other peoples blogs can be so fun. I've been hiking through the mountains in Glacier National Park along the Continental Divide vicariously through a man named Tom. He's such an amazingly adventurous individual and has taken me on an enjoyable trip. His blog has been great to follow. I have no idea who he is, but he's been an awesome virtual hiking guide!

It's interesting... the kinds of reactions you get from people you know, who don't blog, when you tell them you are blogging. I either get a "oh wow, that's so great, I wish I had time to do that", or an "oh......why would you want to put your life out there like that?". Well, I do admit, that last reaction came only once and from my twin sister, so I'm not sure if she really counts. My friends and family who are interested in what Brian and I are up to, but are too spread out around the U.S. to keep up regularly, are very excited that we've started to blog. And I've been having a lot of fun sharing our memories with everyone. Since I talk to my sister everyday, and sometimes multiple times a day, she's pretty much always in the know.

Once we get a baby Nutt added to the family, it will be even that much more exciting to document our memories on the blog. And I keep praying that will happen soon.

As said in an earlier post, we are taking some time off from the baby making obsession. That, however, has translated into not having an IUI procedure in August and trying on our own to get the timing right, then if it doesn't happen, trying another IUI in September. (It's amazing how your life, literally, becomes a schedule of months when you are trying to conceive. And you've only got 12 short shots at it in a years time period.)

We have planned, and paid for, the cruise we talked about going on. We are going in October. The fact that we've paid for it and are all excited about rum-ing it up surely means pregnancy is imminent, right? Let's hope so! I'd take a sober cruise in exchange for pregnancy, definitely. We are going to 3 awesome stops and will probably do a couple of excursions this time. I want to do a zip line through the Bahama jungle, and I want to swim with dolphins and sting rays. We are saving Grand Turk for our beach day, and are not planning any excursions for that stop. Grand Turk, of the Turks and Caicos Islands, is absolutely gorgeous. It's small, unoccupied, and the water and sand is amazing. It's a little piece of heaven out there in the Caribbean ocean!

Here's to looking forward to our 2nd wedding anniversary gift to ourselves, a much needed cruise to the Caribbean! Since the 2nd year is represented by cotton, we'll make sure and buy each other pirate t-shirts or something!