A Change In Seasons

I wasn't disappointed when a wheel came off the lawn mower tonight. Although it left the back yard with an odd design of mowed grass, we finished the front so at least the appearance of our front yard from the curb looks nice and manicured. The lawn mower breaking was a sure sign that we should have been spending our Friday night doing something different. B finished the edging and we put our things away for the night. Besides, it was getting dark and the bugs were plentiful. We got a late start since I got home a bit late from work after returning some borrowed baby items that we had from our friends Jeremy and Amy coming into town last weekend. It was their first time flying with their 5 month old, Noah. It is amazing how much packing is required when traveling with a baby. Yet, after spending the weekend with them, I'm even more convinced that it's time for Brian and I to become parents. It was a fun weekend, getting to see our friends and get to know baby Noah a little better. Below is little Noah with mommy Amy, then charming Brian and I to pieces!

B wanted to try and fix the mower or borrow a neighbors mower to finish the task, but I talked him out of it. Too dark and too buggy!

Funny observation though when I was mowing. Keeping in mind that I like to mow listening to my ipod, it just makes the job a bit more soothing. I love music of all kinds and being able to listen to it, uninterrupted, while it's being funneled clearly into my ears, just brings me a little bit closer to my emotionally artistic side. So, my summer play list that I've been happily listening to all summer....just seemed dead. I couldn't find anything I was interested in listening to. I've accumulated a good 100 or so summer songs that tugged on my music soul this summer, and all of a sudden, poof, I'm not interested in them anymore. Each time I'd find a song in the list I thought I would enjoy listening to, I'd start it and then I just wasn't feeling it. There wasn't one single song that I enjoyed connecting with. I took my ear buds out and just listened to the mower, until the wheel broke off, that is!

I guess our life has seasons, just like mother nature. The soundtrack of life's seasons changes just as quickly as the leaves on the trees. The grass in my lawn is thick, green, and weed free this season. In the winter season, it is not. The songs on my play list take me back to other memories of the summer where I heard them a lot before. Nothing was connecting tonight. I need to wipe out that play list, create a new one with other songs, and make some more memories. Don't get me wrong, those older ones aren't bad memories, and I'll think back to them often when things remind me of them. But I don't need to be carrying them around on my ipod. I've downloaded some great artists this month, so onward to the new season!

My fall soundtrack will entail some Jack Johnson. I downloaded him and he's been sitting on the back burner. Daughtry's new cd, Leave This Town, is rockin! I love it! He's definitely in my fall soundtrack. And Harry Connick Jr. and Eminem both have new cd's out, so I'll try them out too. I love all kinds of music. It all touches my emotions in some form or fashion. There is pleasure to be found in discovering new things.

If I Said You Have A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?

That has got to be one of my top favorites from the classic country genre. Released in 1979 by the Bellamy Brothers, it goes on to say... "If I swore you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?" It's a very simple song that gets right to the point.

Speaking of beautiful bodies..... I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about my latest "happening". (It seems as though I can be a bit shy with the "dear diary" blog-ishness of some of my posts.) But then I thought, why not?

I had a small Smart (laser) Lipo procedure last week. I had my 37 year old "love handles" sculpted down. They were done beautifully, if I may brag on my physician Dr. Guthrie. i don't consider myself a fat or larger person by any means. So don't think i have some sort of distorted body image issue, i don't. This was a simple gift to myself, to get rid of a midsection nuisance.

B and I are still very committed to our fertility goals, but we've decided to take a less aggressive path on our journey to getting pregnant and starting a family right now. I think my stressing and obsessing was doing me more harm than good. We've taken a break from letting that goal dictate every decision we make about everything, which was becoming the view from the road lately. When I do get pregnant, if I eat right and exercise appropriately, my nicely sculpted shape should return. I am really happy about the way my shape turned out. Not an over-the-top change by any means. Just a nice, proportionately done contouring. I will reveal all... recovery is not as "next day" as advertisers make is seem. it hurt like one hell of an SOB. But, I'm extremely happy I did it. Brian is happy that I'm happy. He plays the wonderful husband role very well, being able to compliment my new look without making me feel as if the "before" was any less pleasing. Just wait till the swelling goes down, wink wink!

Teen Angst...I Miss It. The Slow Progression Of A New Twilight Fan

Angst and anxiety come with growing up. It's a healthy part of our psyche i believe. Looking back at the teen angst years and remembering the innocence and the ignorance of that time, would you go back if you could? I finally watched the movie Twilight the other night. It wasn't what I was expecting, in that it was much tamer. I don't know why I thought it more of an adult vampire flick, i didn't have much reason to think that, or anything different for that matter. Nonetheless, it didn't peak my interest early on as it seemed to for so many others. I was so not on the Twilight band-wagon.

A few months ago I was at the mall doing some sister quality time and retail therapy. She's my best friend when it comes to fashion shopping. (We can really have some fun at a Dillard's 75% off sale.) She's always my partner in crime when it comes to explaining to my hubby why i need another pair of shoes or an oh-i-love-that pair of pants or pencil skirt. (Always after the purchase has been made of course.) I think I tried sneaking in a thing or two in the past, but he always notices. He's a pay attention kind of guy.

We were in the book store browsing between clothing department dressing room marathons. I always like to read what's on the Best Seller list. As in the titles, not the books themselves. And I always check out the clearance tables. They usually have the coolest reference books. I
most often cannot get out of a book store without buying a few books. I most enjoy the reference books of different topics, especially if they are easy reads. Most recently I bought this one and it's matching 50 Physics Ideas and 50 Philosophy Ideas.

So, once I've moved through the non-fiction selections, I saw a table with fiction sellers. A good long book to read when I'm relaxing on our upcoming cruise would be great. I see the Twilight table that has totally dedicated itself to the franchise. It peaked my interest.

I even asked the sales lady if it was really as good as all the hype. Her answer must have been a good one, since I ended up buying it to accompany me on the mornings during the cruise when I wake up early, as the sun is rising over the ocean horizon, and throw on a swimsuit from the day before (and a killer new cover up I just ordered from VS...or my jean cutoffs and a sweatshirt, or my pj's, i did that on more than one occasion during my 2:00am cravings for soft serve chocolate ice cream that's on a serve-yourself basis 24/7).... then head up the elevator to the Lido Deck and grab some coffee and a danish. If Brian gets up too, we usually do the whole eggs, bacon, and pancakes routine.

Elevators in the Main Atrium

Lido Deck

Carnival Destiny

Then I make my way to a lounge chair on the top deck of the massive ship, this literal playground on the sea, to get my fill of the perfectly balanced cool/warm breeze on my enjoyably sensitive sun baked skin. The ocean is such a wonderous mysterious living being with infinite options of personality. I'm most often taken away and humbled by it's depth, both physically and spiritually. I drink my coffee. I read a bit.

I bought the book. It's sitting in the small "cruise necessities" pile. (Let me digress and say how MUCH I'm looking forward to our upcoming vacation. It didn't seem like too long ago that we were on our last cruise. This time with a true pair of BFF's, Jeremy and Amy. What a great year 2008 was. Lot's of memories. But the Year In Review is another Dear Diary entry.)

....I was having trouble getting sleepy one night last week or so. While flipping through the channels I decided to watch Twilight on On Demand. I love movies. All kinds of movies. And I wish I had more time to watch movies. I love the entertainment value of a great movie and the escape into the emotions of others existence, the fictional and non fictional drama.

I struggled with whether I should read the Twilight book first, then watch the movie. Or vice versa. This time, I chose to see the movie first. Amazingly wonderful movie. Absolutely exceeded my expectations. And for a fictional movie of such youthful innocence, it had the ability to hit at those emotional inner strings that have permanent, albeit hidden at times, memories of our own teen angst years embedded in the fibers. Twilight strikes a chord. And it feels good.

I'm inclined to believe that I'll get more pages of the book read during my trip, now that i've been comfortably afflicted by the on-screen version of the story. I have become a Twilight fan.

What Keeps My Sanity In Check

My experiences over the past 37 years have taught me that my happiness and sanity comes from maintaining 2 separate lives for myself. My work life and my home life. When one starts to seep into the other it causes unnecessary and unwanted drama. I'm more joyful in both of my two environments when they are maintained individually and free from each other. I am working at a facility where I have chosen, for the first time in my professional career, to not develop any emotionally attached friendships with any of my co-workers, fellow directors, or my boss... "friendships" meaning spending time with co-workers outside of work, on weekends, or at social things outside the requirements of the job. Mixing work and play is hard to balance and when the balance is off, personal drama ensues.

At age 37 I feel more comfortable, confident and content in my own skin than I've ever been in any of the previous chapters of my life. I'm enjoying this more and more each day. However, I'm having trouble with the 3-years-from-40 equation. I've not really been one to notice my age at any time throughout my life, but this year it's been sitting annoyingly and noticeably on my back like the too large shoulder pad of an oversized, out of fashion 1990's button-up shirt. Should I be excited that I'm 3 years from 40 and think of it as a glowing milestone in life that will transport me to another dimension where the motto plays out to be true... life really does start at 40?. If I can roll into my 40's rockin it like Diane Lane or Jennifer Aniston, then bring it on I say! BTW, I'm back to running three nights a week and it feels great! I'm also attempting to change my grocery shopping habits and buy more organic. More on all this on a later post. .....Back to my 2-separate-lives theory of happiness....

I love my work life and everything about my job, including the people and tasks that make it what it is. I couldnt imagine doing anything different or being anywhere else. I'm fulfilled professionally by conquering the challenges of healthcare human resources and operations and celebrating the small but frequent victory's that come around quite often when you make a conscious effort to notice them.

I love my home life and everything about my awesome family and friends. We support each other unconditionally and never begrudge each other our joys. We play hard because we know we work hard to be able to. We enjoy life's ups and downs and laugh often with each other. Discussing memories we've made together, dreams we've yet to achieve, and all the blessings in our life is how we pass the time when we're together. Time passes quickly and joyfully.

I love my two lives and what each require of me. Keeping my efforts separate, and taking a break every day from each one, is what keeps me loving them both. That's what keeps me happy and sane, and loving it all.