It's A Must To Love Your Hair Dresser!

It is! And I really think I found a new permanent hair chick again. It's been several years, yes I said years, since I had a relationship with a hair dresser I love. I've been trying to find someone I click with for a long time. When the lady I had gone to for years and years left the business, suddenly and due to illness, it left me lonely and confused. I had to start "trying out" new ones. That totally sucks. You never know what it's going to be like, it's like a blind date. So I've been "dating around" for the last 3 and a half years so to speak, trying to find that special someone that I, and my hair, connect with.

I'm excited to say I really believe the search is over. A friend of mine told me about Allison and said she and her family have been going to her for many years. I've had her phone number in my wallet for a while, but neglected to call. Sinking to my lowest at the observation of my silver gray roots extending out from my scalp a good inch and a half, I finally called her last week for her first available appointment. It was for today. The salon is great, about a mile from my office towards downtown. It's directly next door to Tiny Lounge, a great little bar I had been to before, but so tiny and not frequent enough, I didn't realize there's been a salon next door to it for the past 4 years. It's on the edge of the downtown redevelopment efforts, the art district of t town i guess.

Allison and I hit it off right away. She knew exactly what I was telling her when explaining what I'm looking for in a hair chick and the cut and color I prefer. It was great. The color came out perfect as if I'd been going to her for years. And we really had a good dialogue the entire time. Honestly, I felt like hugging her when I left. I knooooow! She was that awesome.

Come on, when you sit for 2.5 to 3 hours, every 6 weeks religiously, with someone who is grooming a part of your body the entire length of your stay, you want someone you enjoy as much as possible. I don't want to settle for a bad experience. And it's been a few years worth of bad or mediocre experiences. I wouldn't say I'm more picky than the average Joe about finding the right one, and I'm certainly not afraid of commitment, I just really couldn't find anyone I liked enough. Then that just leads to a depressing cycle of waiting. I've really let myself go at times, afraid of calling the less-than-impressive, yet familiar, person. I knew i wasn't going to be wowed by the outcome, so why stay motivated to commit to a routine.

The torture is over. I think I'll be sticking with Allison. I'm out of my hair funk finally. This brightens my day on so many levels. When my hair looks like crap, i look like crap, which makes me feel crappy. it's a vicious cycle. The clouds have parted. My hair looks great, it no longer wants to bow it's little head in shame. woo-hoo!!

Seriously, this calls for a celebration. Let's celebrate with a clothing purchase. I think I see a new shirt in my near future.

Approaching End Of Year Two

I'm more in love with my husband today than at any other time of our short, almost 2 year marriage. We celebrate our 2nd anniversary in mid October. It's true what they say, the first year is definitely the hardest. But the hard work pays off. Remember those 6 words every time you start to struggle with whether or not it really does, at any year.

My first one went through 6 years. Exactly five years, 9 months and 4 days. From wedding date to the divorce date. Don't get me wrong, I don't recite that to myself everyday as some sort of self infliction of emotional pain. Frankly, that was the first time I sat down and calculated it out...just for kicks this evening. But I digress.

We start to realize this more as we grow older. Each year that is. If we take what we learn during the growth of our first year and apply it to our actions when living the 2nd year, we succeed in capturing some happy peaceful times. And so on and so forth. (I believe the emphasis on the words in that phrase are "on" and "forth", not the two "so" word as people most commonly say. And it sounds even better with a slight English air. You can somewhat picture Renee Zellwigger repeating those words in a line from one of her chick flicks. "...and so ON.....and so FORTH!......"

Again, digressing.

B and I are in a happy peaceful chapter in our marriage. Enjoying the memories we worked hard to get. This past year, and more so these last couple of months, going through our fertility struggles together has brought us closer. I love him so much for that. Both Brian him and God Him. We've come to understand each other more deeply and more patiently. And we laugh more together. I just adore him.

I will admit, B and I are much better people, much happier, and things seem to go our way more often when we are attending church regularly. I'm not what some would call a bible waiver, don't get me wrong, but I love church. I haven't always loved church, nor have i always attended church; truth be told, there have been several times throughout my life where I've seriously doubted the existence of God and Jesus. Those were, looking back now, sad times, although growing, evolving times. At the time they were just plain lost and confused times. I can look back now and smile proudly that those times are over and feel blessed that those times have led me to where I am today. We leave church every Sunday feeling rejuvenated and happy and emotionally inspired. Who wouldn't want that? Seriously.

Back to happy people. Our music director who sort of probably wouldn't know us from Adam (pun very intended), Jesse, gets us pumped every Sunday morning. Pastor Hess is great too. He married us. We started looking for a home church shortly after B moved in. We really didn't look long, SHBC was the 3rd one we visited and it just clicked. We went for a while, we joined, then I got baptised there, we got married there, and after 2 years of attending, i think we might now join a life group and make some friends there. Church friends. That's a big step. It's a big responsibility to take on the commitment to make friends.

B and I have our routine of going to lunch right after church. It's a Nutt thing to do. We love it because it's corny, but we pick out a different restaurant each Sunday, just for kicks. It's a must to be playful.

These seem to be my thoughts tonight. It is getting very late, but I am having trouble sleeping. It's 2:10 in the morning. My body is tired and my head is fighting it. The sound of the storm outside is soothing. My boxer is laying on the ottoman behind me and snoring softly. B is in bed and has been for about an hour and a half. I smile as I say that because the thought of him brings happiness to my heart and thus a smile to my face. That triggers my desire to go lay in bed next to his warm body and end this sharing of my minds' labors tonight. My eyes are heavy.

Goodnight blog.

I'm addicted to blogs...

I don't know how it happened, but I've become strangely addicted to blogs. Not just writing in my own, but also reading other peoples. My interest in other peoples blogs has crept up on me like an incurable rash. I just love clicking on the "next blog" button to see who's blog is going to pop up. There is a never ending scroll of peoples blogs, from all over the world, that will keep popping up as long as you keep clicking that button. I can try and mask the itch of curiosity, but why, when scratching feels so good!

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to how they pop up. They are in no particular order and have no common subject matter. I do get annoyed when I get a string of foreign language blogs come up all in a row, though. I understand that people in china want to share their family happenings with their family and friends, just like we Americans do, and I don't mind viewing them every now and again...it kind of reminds me how we human beings, all over the world, are really so very similar in our goals, dreams, and challenges, for being so very different in other ways... however, I wish there was a way to filter what kinds of blogs pop up when you click on the "next blog" button. I don't like the blogs where people sell their crap either, just the blogs where people share their memories and adventures of life. Maybe there is a way to filter and I just don't know about it, being new to this whole blog thing myself.

Other peoples blogs can be so fun. I've been hiking through the mountains in Glacier National Park along the Continental Divide vicariously through a man named Tom. He's such an amazingly adventurous individual and has taken me on an enjoyable trip. His blog has been great to follow. I have no idea who he is, but he's been an awesome virtual hiking guide!

It's interesting... the kinds of reactions you get from people you know, who don't blog, when you tell them you are blogging. I either get a "oh wow, that's so great, I wish I had time to do that", or an "oh......why would you want to put your life out there like that?". Well, I do admit, that last reaction came only once and from my twin sister, so I'm not sure if she really counts. My friends and family who are interested in what Brian and I are up to, but are too spread out around the U.S. to keep up regularly, are very excited that we've started to blog. And I've been having a lot of fun sharing our memories with everyone. Since I talk to my sister everyday, and sometimes multiple times a day, she's pretty much always in the know.

Once we get a baby Nutt added to the family, it will be even that much more exciting to document our memories on the blog. And I keep praying that will happen soon.

As said in an earlier post, we are taking some time off from the baby making obsession. That, however, has translated into not having an IUI procedure in August and trying on our own to get the timing right, then if it doesn't happen, trying another IUI in September. (It's amazing how your life, literally, becomes a schedule of months when you are trying to conceive. And you've only got 12 short shots at it in a years time period.)

We have planned, and paid for, the cruise we talked about going on. We are going in October. The fact that we've paid for it and are all excited about rum-ing it up surely means pregnancy is imminent, right? Let's hope so! I'd take a sober cruise in exchange for pregnancy, definitely. We are going to 3 awesome stops and will probably do a couple of excursions this time. I want to do a zip line through the Bahama jungle, and I want to swim with dolphins and sting rays. We are saving Grand Turk for our beach day, and are not planning any excursions for that stop. Grand Turk, of the Turks and Caicos Islands, is absolutely gorgeous. It's small, unoccupied, and the water and sand is amazing. It's a little piece of heaven out there in the Caribbean ocean!

Here's to looking forward to our 2nd wedding anniversary gift to ourselves, a much needed cruise to the Caribbean! Since the 2nd year is represented by cotton, we'll make sure and buy each other pirate t-shirts or something!

I've taken my summer back!

Today is Sunday, August 9th, 2009.  Damn, what a great day!  A great day that ended a great weekend. Brian and I are amazingly blessed!

New favorite song and album.  Half Truism, by The Offspring.  Off of the Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace CD.  Killer song.  That's my mood this weekend.  It's been a relaxing, fun weekend!    :-)    I'm still smiling! 

Why, you ask, since I got the bad news on friday?  (I wasn't pregnant on friday, when I went in for my blood test after our IUI procedure.)  That's okay.  It's not meant to be this time. What was meant to be, however, was Brian and I finding a truck to buy, getting our Seadoo fixed, and just having a fun time with parents one day, and on the lake the next.  We've been wanting to trade the Miata in for a while. Brians been wanting a truck, an F150, just something nice and used. We finally found one that fit.  It was hard parting with the Miata. I've had her for 9 years, since her birth.  But, it was time. We evolve.  

Brian looks hot in the truck. It is so much more his personality, and it's his.  

Yesterday Brian's parents came in town and we went to lunch for Brian's birthday.  They are so awesome! (Here we are in Kansas City at a baseball game last month.)

After they left, we went to drive and buy the truck.  Brian and I mowed, and did yard work. The yard probably looks the best it's looked all summer.  I transplanted some flowers on friday night, that was fun. It was fun getting my hands in the dirt. I've not done too much of that this summer either.  

So back to the awesome weekend.  I took my summer back.  No more obsessing about getting pregnant and having baby's.  When it happens it happens.  On with the fun until it does.  And I'm starting to run again tomorrow too, I'm looking forward to that feeling.  

Today we went to the lake and got the Seadoo out for the first time this summer.  We went to Lake Skiatook, it's close.  It wasn't too busy at all, so it was nice.  Today was only the 2nd time we've been out to the lake this summer.  We are usually there every weekend in some form or fashion, either with friends, or just the two of us.  But we've been so focused on being still, getting pregnant, and not doing anything else.  No more.  It was so awesome getting out on the water today. We had a few beers with us. I was so in my happy place.  It's therapeutic....retail therapy and lake therapy are my two remedies for stress, confusion and burnout.  Prioritized as appropriate, depending on the circumstances. I love getting out on the water, mid summer, when you have the warm sun and breeze brushing up against your lightly sunburned skin. It felt so good.  I love it when the sun is going down and starts to make the waves/wakes glisten with shiney tips as it dances with the wind.  My favorite thing to do on summer mornings at the lake is to get out on the water before 7:00am and just skim across the top of the water on a lake that resembles a gigantic piece of glass. The wildlife is just waking up and the water is so still. It's refreshing.  I love it. Find a good cup of coffee at a marina, and the world is at peace...at least for that brief moment in time.  We had a great time out on the water today. Woo hoo for summer!  Thank God it's not over yet!

I think Brian and I are going to plan another cruise.  Probably before the year is over.

 

Here are some fun cruise shots from the last couple of cruises we've been on.  We have so much fun on cruises, especially when Jeremy and Amy join us.  Here's to awesome friends and cruise buddy's!

Ya.....we are definitely planning another cruise this year. Maybe for our 2nd anniversary in October.  Good times! Good times.  Here's to the rest of the summer.  Have a good one, and pray for happiness, peace, and babys!  xoxo

BFN

BFN.... that's infertility code for Big Fat Negative, as in the pregnancy test taken 14 days post IUI. Friday the 7th, 2009.  Not pregnant. I am not pregnant. I don't get why i'm not pregnant, as I had 3 beautiful follicles and everything looked great, but I guess they didn't feel like getting fertilized this month.  

I'm taking a month or two off.  I've reflected.  I've been too focused on getting pregnant. I think if I dont think about it for a while, it might happen. At least that's what they always say.  

I'm Moody!

I’m obsessing! I know this about myself, so it’s double torture. I’m angry that I obsess, and then I’m angry that I don’t have the self control to not obsess since I’m so aware that I obsess. Why does obsessing seem to breed negativity? Why can’t obsessing breed positivity? Why do I find myself starting to resent all the people who seem to get pregnant easily? (Friends and family excluded, of course!) Especially those young, unemployed kids who don’t deserve to be parents right now anyway, I just don’t get it.

And it doesn’t help that a pediatrician friend of mine just told me this morning about a 15 year old patient of hers that she had to tell was pregnant yesterday. A cute little 15 year old volleyball player, who is 21 weeks along and didn’t know it. Wants to abort it, but cant. 21 weeks is too late to abort. So now she, the 15 year old, and her family have to deal with this bad news. My friend told me I should “think about adoption”. Thanks, I thought. I’ll get right on that, you insensitive little *&^%#. I’m not ready to think about adoption and I certainly don’t want someone else to tell me I need to think about adoption. I know she meant well, but it really irritated me.

Don’t get me wrong. There are SO many wonderful kids and babies out there that need good parents and homes, and I’m not against adoption. I know several couples who have adopted due to infertility. And they have wonderful stories and wouldn’t change a thing about how they came to become parents. It’s just that adoption is a HUGE decision that can’t be made on a whim. And, geez, it seems that I CAN get pregnant. I’ve got pregnant twice now. They both ended in miscarriage, but I GOT pregnant. It’s too early to give up on the cause right now….there are so many options we’ve not explored. And who’s to say that this Friday won’t be a day of celebration?

I’m moody today. Friday can’t get here fast enough.

I know why I’m moody. My need to know thoughts culminated this morning with me taking a pregnancy test. Knowing damn well it was too early. 11 days post IUI is way too early for the over-the-counter tests to register a positive result, even if I am pregnant. And I know that, but I took one anyway and now I’m bummed because it said “not pregnant”. Is this a form of self mutilation? Emotional mutilation? Or is this my way of trying to lessen the disappointment I might feel on Friday if I get bad news?

One good thing for me to keep in mind is that I’m not experiencing my usual premenstrual symptoms. My 29 day cycle is up this Saturday. Usually a week before I start my period, I’m eating everything in sight and I’m bloated to the point of discomfort. I’m not right now, so that’s either a sign that I’m pregnant and my cycle isn’t going to start OR it could mean that my cycle is thrown off by the hormones and everything and maybe it’s just going to start late, if I’m indeed not pregnant. I like the first scenario the best, so I’m going to try to hang onto that one until Friday.

Brian wont let me take any more pregnancy tests before Friday. Besides the fact that the $7 price tag on those digital ones are a little much to be wasting, he doesn’t like me getting all bummed out for no reason. And he is right. I’m glad I have him by my side to reason with me. Brian is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s a true blessing to my life. He’s my husband, and he’s my best friend. I love him dearly. Okay…now I’m smiling again. On with the rest of the day!