Week 12... Imma Be, Imma Be, Imma Imma Imma Be... A Blogging Slacker!

Yes, I'm a blogging slacker!  Weeks 10 and 11 of this pregnancy have been filled with nausea, fatigue, and an overwhelming sense of smell that has caused me to want to burry my head in my pillow every chance I get. I have become part canine and it's gross. Every smell is gross. EVERY smell is gross. Ive not ever really noticed how smelly life is. It's no wonder our ozone layer is thinning. (It is still thinning, right?)  Anyway...I cannot go anywhere without wanting to puke at every smell.  Oh, the price we pay for creating offspring.  I can't complain, however, as I would have given anything for these issues a year ago when I was struggling with infertility.  My cup, absolutely, runs over.. and for that I am so grateful!

The last time we went to see our fertility doctor, he said we were done with him and now we need to pick a regular OBGYN to start going to.  WHAT??  Really?  Change...gotta love it. So the search is on to find an OBGYN who delivers at St. Johns (which is where I was born), and who will do a selective c-section if I so choose.  Yes, I said it, I want the option of having a c-section if I want to.  Period!  We'll see what I can find.

These are the 10 and a half week ultrasound pics that we got during our last visit.  He's looking more and more like a human every week. He, or she, is beautiful!  It was so exciting when the doc was doing the ultrasound. Baby Nutt was sleeping at first, and although it's little heartbeat was beating strong, he wasn't doing much. Then the doctor started poking around (on purpose) and woke him up. He stretched his little arms and started dancing around. It was the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life. I just burst into tears right then and there and became so attached to that little miracle. I just couldn't believe we were watching our baby dance. It was amazing!  So tiny, so full of life, so amazing!

WEEK 12  "Even though your little Einstein’s body is still growing quite rapidly 2 inches long right now, the overall super-speedy growth of their amazing brain continues to leave the head proportionately larger than the body— and is actually slightly more than one third of their total body mass! The head and neck are still straightening at this point as can be seen by their little chin lifting off of the chest. Your baby is also actively rehearsing “breathing” by using amniotic fluid to prepare the lungs for future air respiration."

WEEK 11  "Maybe you’ve noticed… your baby is a super-duper grower! Your lil' fetus will be gaining a substantial amount of weight this week and has already achieved fruit-size-status comparable to a plum. What's more, your little scientist is already starting to explore their body, focusing most intently on touching their head, and especially their face and mouth. Their mouth in particular will provide them with hours of entertainment. This happens not only because your baby is gaining coordination, and is therefore able to move a hand on command, but also because their palms have gained sensation and can actually “feel” what it touches.They're also developing their swallow reflex this week. And lastly, your baby's smelling and other olfactory senses will begin developing this week, which when combined with the maturing taste buds, will provide your baby with their first experiences of taste and smell."

WEEK 10  "Your astonishingly tiny baby has been hard at work growing as fast as possible—almost doubling in size in the past three weeks! Amazingly, you’re in for a repeat size doubling performance within the next three weeks! Your tiny champion still weighs less than a quarter of an ounce but has already completed the most critical stage of their development. Using Doppler technology, your doctor or gynecologist can let you hear their tiny rapid fetal heartbeats this week (145-165 beats per minute!). Chances for miscarriage are greatly reduced when the heartbeat can be detected, so take a sigh of relief if you’ve been needing one—it hasn’t been an easy ten weeks! What’s more, they’re getting ready to make their first baby poop! Your little one’s major organ systems are developing, including a functioning digestive tract capable of moving food all the way through their bowels. The final shiny gold star on their fetal behavior chart for the week: your little scrapper has already developed defense mechanisms to protect them on reflex!"

Week 9...Another Strong Heartbeat

The doctor visit and ultrasound was great. It's little heartbeat was 170 beats per minute, which has Brian thinking now that it might be a girl. Healthy and happy is our only prayer, but it's fun to speculate what the little angel will be.  Truth be told, I'd prefer a boy.  If only for the fact that i, myself being a girl, was a pain in the butt during my teen years. I cant imagine how bad the paybacks would be.  But again, as long as he/she is healthy, I'll be happy.

I think I've found my best armor to battle morning (all day) sickness. Sea-Bands. They really seem to be taking the edge off of my misery.  Who would have thought a nice little acupressure wrist band device would trump drugs?  Although I'm sporting a really nerdy "tennis anyone?" fashion statement, these wrist bands are great.  I've been wearing them ALL the time, I only take them off to shower, then as soon as I dry my arms those suckers are back on.  So far so very good!

Although I'm not officially showing, i'm bloated as can be and my clothes are fitting snuggier. I'm down to only being able to fit into one pair of my dress slacks for work and today, jeans day, will be the last time i'm able to wear my low-rise, cute butt, jeans. Sigh. Maternity clothes shopping is on the horizon. The thought of wearing maternity clothes when i'm noticeably "with child" doesn't bother me. It's actually a very cute thing. However, the thought of buying maternity clothes as a way to ease my discomfort due to all the bloating, swelling, gas, heartburn and nausea, i'm not all that hip about. There's nothing "cute" about any of that.

Grow, little guy, grow!

WEEK 9:  "Congratulations! Your amazing growing baby has been accepted into to the fetus-club, a very exclusive and exiting new stage in their prenatal development. Basically, this means the little sweet pea has graduated from swimming embryo creature to a recognizable human being! This week in particular, the irises of their little eyes can function, but (frustratingly for them?) their eyelids remain fused shut for a while yet. Their external ears are formed and their inner ears are now filled with fluid—so your little one is already developing their sense of balance. Your baby's little swimmer legs are still relatively, although other bodily developments are going forward at a nice pace: their kidney is actually functioning now, which means they’ve started urinating (this might seem charming now but wait till you have to start buying diapers!)."

Week 8...Woo-Hoo to Boo-Hoo In Less Than a Second

Wow, pregnancy hormones can be powerful. All I wanted at lunch today was some macaroni and cheese at KFC. It's too bad that the one thing I was craving out of my 3 piece chicken strip meal was the one thing they screwed up!  And who knew that something like a fast food order screw up would start the water works flowing so strongly?  I'm just glad I decided to open my containter a couple blocks down the street from KFC and not get all the way back to my office before I saw the "slaw" so very wrongly positioned where my mac and cheese should have been. Who knows what kind of carnage would have been left in my wake if I wasn't able to turn my car around, march my butt back into the store and, through tears streaming down my face, demand they fix my order.  It was, looking back, kind of surreal. Dont mess with me, KFC. Dont mess with me.  (Incidentally, I wont be showing my face back in that KFC for a while.)

Looking back over the events of my emotional lunch hour, I can laugh about it now. But I sure couldn't, and didn't, then. What the hell?  Seriously?  I'm going to have emotional outburst of uncontrolable tears and rage at seemingly silly situations?  Really?   Do they make pop drops for that?  In addition to Preggie Pop Drops, how about Preggie Tear Drop Preventers?  Speaking of Preggie Pop Drops, they aren't bad little distracters, but i'm not sure how much they are actually helping my nausea. I think they make them so sour that you can't really focus on anything else, including how icky you feel. Whatever works I guess, right?

WEEK 8  "Woohoo! You've got one whole inch of baby inside of you! Your little embryo has finally reached the one-inch mark (30mm). And if it were possible to take a peek, you could actually see your tiny baby without a telescope! What’s more, your baby is finally starting to take on some very distinct human features. For starters, their little tail (really just the spinal cord) has disappeared completely. It’s nice to know your baby can no longer be mistaken for a sea creature! Additionally, both their toes and fingers are prominent with very little, if any, webbing. Upper and lower limbs all show recognizable joints (elbows and knees) and the lower limb bones are starting to ossify. But don’t expect your baby to resemble either parent quite yet. Right now, your baby’s head is disproportionately larger than the rest of their body--making up almost half of your little one’s height and weight!"

Week 7...Second Ultrasound and a Heart Beat

What an awesome day November 16th was!  Swooshy swooshy swooshy swooshy is what we heard at the doctors visit during the ultrasound. His little heartbeat was 138!  Brian said he could tell it was a heartbeat, but for some reason I guess I expected to make out the actual beats a lot clearer and I didn't really pick up on it until after the swooshy swooshy was over and the doctor said that that was it.  I keep calling it a him because I just have a feeling it's going to be a boy.  I'm also hoping it's going to be a boy, although I'm just praying for a healthy happy baby.

We had our dr. appt early this week and I'm now writing late this week. I meant to write sooner, but it's not been a good week. Lots of nausea, tiredness, and just plain old yucky feeling 24/7.  The doctor gave me a prescription for my nausea, but only 12 pills in a 30 day period, so I'm being very choosy when I take them.  Since rolling up in a ball under my desk at work really isn't an option, I have to save them for during the week. Otherwise ginger snaps, animal crackers, and cranberry juice have become the air I breathe. I eat them constantly. Unfortunately I got sick of Saltines very early and can no longer stomach them.

I'm not having any weird cravings, but there are definitely things I cant eat. I cant even LOOK at potato chips without uncomfortable thoughts of vomiting. And Sonic tater tots, one of my all time favorites, has now become my gag reflex's worst enemy.  Oh the horror!!!!

On a non-pregnancy note, we went to see the move New Moon on friday night. Yes, opening night. Luckily we were joining some friends and they were the ones who got there early to stand in line, not for tickets, but for entrance into the theater.  Seats were good and we even got 6 together, which we weren't expecting after seeing the hoards of teeny-boppers who were there much earlier than we were. A WONDERFUL second installment of the Twilight saga with a great cliff hanger at the end. Just a beautiful depiction of teen love, innocent lust, hot vampires, and sexy werewolves. A great story!

WEEK 7  "Your baby is really beginning to develop more physical definition this week – their oversized head isn’t just large and oblong anymore, it’s actually a little bit pointy. The tiny receding tail bud is now starting to be overshadowed by the growth of their legs, which are now complete with knees and the beginnings of toes. Their eyes and ears are the most visible features on their head and their miniature bones are starting to harden throughout their body. You also have some variation on a boy or a girl at this point, although their genitals won’t be visible enough to determine which color cigars you’re going to buy until around the 16th week."

Week 6...Lots Of Rest and Nausea

This week was spent doing a lot of praying and napping. The last time I miscarried, the symptoms started around the middle of week 5, so with each passing day i've been getting more and more excited that this pregnancy is going to stick. I've been tired all on my own anyway, so although Brian has been the best husband in the world by not letting me lift a finger and over do it, it's not been too difficult of me to agree. We really need to make sure this baby is implanted good before I do anything strenuous.

This week I also made it to another milestone, morning sickness!!  I was really wanting to experience morning sickness and a friend told me I'd eat those words soon. She was right. Morning sickness sucks. However, the good thing is that the morning sickness means that i'm really pumping the hormones and the baby is growing strong. Which is good and means my chances of miscarrying have decreased significantly. Totally awesome!

We tried several things this year to get pregnant, including fertility drugs and 1 round of Intrauterine Insemination. All of which failed. This pregnancy was unassisted and such a blessing. I definitely attribute lots of prayer and living right to this gift God has blessed us with.

Things are going great this week and I cant wait until next week when we go for our second ultrasound and get to see the heartbeat.  Until then......

WEEK 6  "This is going to be a busy week for your amazing little embryo. Their brain is still growing remarkably fast; miniature hand plates are starting to develop and the early formations of what will be their fingers are already visible. Also, the lower limbs do not develop quite as fast, so they’re pretty much still flippers. Up until this point, your baby has been very curled up with the head and tail in close proximity, but this week their trunk and neck are beginning to grow and straighten as their tail recedes into its resting position in the back. Even though your little miracle is only 6 weeks old, they’re already capable of demonstrating reflex responses to touch!"

Week 5...First Ultrasound

Today was awesome! I was nervous and prepared for almost anything that we might see on the ultrasound, but I was hoping for the best. And we got it. Our doctor said that the placenta, gestational sac, and fetal pole are exactly as they should be. They are all the right size and in the right place. WOO-HOO! I cannot be happier than we are today. God it great!

My twin sister is so cool! She decided to surprise me and show up at my doctors appointment. She's just as excited about this baby as we are and cannot wait to be an aunt. Yes, she is the silly photographer and will probably be at most of my appointments documenting the good news as we go along!

WEEK 5   "The changes to your growing embryo are not quite as drastic this week as they've been in the last few weeks. Growth is now largely focused on their little head, which is starting to develop much more rapidly than the rest of their tiny body. This is because their amazing brain is undergoing some very crucial and rapid development in order to effectively regulate their heart rate, blood circulation, and other vital functions. As for the rest of their miniature body, what were simple limb buds last week are limb flippers this week and the tail is more expressed. Amazingly, within a mere five weeks your little miracle is already developing the rudimentary forms of their liver, pancreas, lungs, stomach and nasal pits while their little heart is already increasing its circulation. Your baby is now a whopping 4-6mm in length."

I'm Pregnant!.....Episode 3

I'm starting this post on 10-27-2009. I'm four days late starting my cycle and I figured it was because of our vacation last week and how active I was. I don't know why I decided to take a pregnancy test this morning, but I did. Positive!!! I can hardly believe it!

We are so excited....cautious, because of the 2 miscarriages I had earlier this year, but hopeful and excited! I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to have my blood drawn and hormone levels checked and to see if there is anything we can do to ensure this pregnancy is a successful one.

10-28-09
They started me on progesterone supplement's, twice daily. My Beta HCG level was 137. She said this was good and strong and normal for this early in the pregnancy. Based on my calendar, I am about 4 weeks along. WOO-HOO!!

11-2-09
I am very happy today because I made it through the weekend without any spotting, like I experienced last time. I feel a little premature by even starting to blog about this pregnancy because it IS so early and I do run the risk of something happening again. But since I've always been a "glass half full" kind of person, I just want to celebrate and let the whole world in on it. I'm going to have my second blood test tomorrow, so we'll know more then.

11-3-09
WOO-HOO!! My Beta HCG level was 2267! That is a most excellent number. The nurse said that it is a very strong number and they want me to come in this Friday for my first ultrasound. I cant express how excited I am! And the best part is, I've not had any spotting or cramping like before. If I can get to the 6 week mark without any issues, I'll feel more confident that this pregnancy is strong enough to stick! Hurry up Friday and get here!!

WEEK 1  "It’s been a momentous past couple of days—even if you don’t know it yet. At some point roughly 1.5 – 3.5 million sperm took aim at your fallopian tubes and one superior little seed hit the target spot on. The now fertilized egg is still inside your fallopian tube and is already merging with the sperm to become a zygote. Cell multiplication is occuring at an astonishingly rapid rate. Your little zygote will spend the next 7-10 days dividing and multiplying as they slowly descend into the uterus, where it will nestle into the already cozy blood-rich uterine wall. The implantation process may result in a little spotting for some, caused by the sloughing off of uterine wall at the implantation site. This is perfectly natural and not a cause for concern. When your little zygote is finally implanted, it is a blastocyst measuring about 0.1 – 0.2 mm. This will be your baby’s spatially-challenged home for the next 38-40 weeks."

WEEK 2  "Your little blastocyst is now separating into two distinct parts: the amniotic cavity (or yolk sac) and the embryo (your baby-to-be). The yolk sac’s main job is to protect and nourish your baby until the placenta is fully formed. Right now, the placenta is just beginning to take shape, but won’t be complete for another 8 weeks or so. The beginnings of the umbilical cord are visible and partly functional, although it is still not fully formed."

WEEK 3  "Although your belly is still the same size and shape as it was pre-pregnancy, a plethora of amazing and dynamic changes are taking place despite this fact. Right now your little zygote is already 1.5 – 2.5mm in size. This is quite a change from the microscopic pack of cells you had just two weeks ago. Your microscopic little one is already composed of three complex “germ” layers: the ectoderm, endoderm and mesoderm. Although you could hardly see them at this point, these layers are the beginnings of your baby's nervous system and brain, stomach and inner organs, and skeleton and connective tissue. Your baby is also starting to take on recognizable physical dimensions somewhat comparable to a very tiny pear. The round part of the pear will eventually become the head and the pointy part will be the spine. Perhaps the best part of this week is that somewhere around the 21st day, your miraculous little pear will have a beating heart, although the heart chambers and valves will not be completely developed for another couple weeks."

WEEK 4  "By the end of this week the round and pointy ends of your little pear-shaped baby will be slightly more exaggerated and their body will look more like that of a miniature manatee. Despite your baby not looking particularly human without any eyes, ears or mouth, the earliest developments of what will become the larynx, internal ear, and eye lens are already forming, although you’d have to be a trained expert to recognize them for what they’re going to be in the future. Likewise, tiny bumps are forming on your little embryo which will eventually be their cute little arms, elbows, fingers, legs, knees and toes. What’s more your little swimmer will have a teeny tiny tail by the end of this week-- but don’t worry, it’s just the end of their developing spinal cord! A microscopic photo would reveal what seems to be their vertebrae filling out the spine and tail. Although they aren’t bones yet, but rather, the “bone seeds” that will give rise to your baby's tiny vertebrae, ribs and sternum."

2009 Carnival Destiny Cruise Photos

Click here to view these pictures larger

Heading Home

When we wake up tomorrow morning we'll be back in Miami, Florida. Our vacation over and our adventurous nature subdued until next time. These are the voyages of the starship NuttHouse, it's continuing mission, to explore strange new worlds, to seek out cool people and new places to explore, to boldly go where no Nutt has gone before...... (play Star Trek theme music).

Okay....they kept playing the new Star Trek movie on the ship so we watched parts of it a few times. Great flick!

The trip was awesome! The weather was perfect, the food was fantastic, and the memories are priceless!

Nassau, Bahamas

It's Friday!  Our last stop, boooooooo! We woke up early this morning to get off the ship for our excursion. We booked a booze cruise. There was a note under our door saying the excursion was cancelled due to operational difficulties. Booooooo! So we went back to bed and slept in, really slept in. So we get up at 11:00am and head to the Lido Deck for breakfast. Then make our plans for the day. Since we didnt have an excursion to make, we decided to freestyle it.

We walked about a half mile and found the closest beach access, swam and laid in the Bahama sun for a while. Then we walked some more while indulging in the local beverage, Khalik Beer. Nassau is really great. Hot, dirty, and poor, like a lot of those caribbean islands, But I love it, it's gorgeous. It's where Anna Nicole Smith is burried, you know, and we went right by the hospital where her son died. It was a bit surreal, seeing it so many times during the media frenzy at the time of that story (yes, I read rag mags!) and then being there right in front of it. Pretty cool in a dorky sort of way.

The straw market and the little bars were great. Of course Senior Frogs was fun, but it didnt beat the un-commercialized atmosphere of the smaller bars.

We got back on the ship around 2:00pm and went back to our room so I could sit on the deck and finish some reading. I'm finishing the book The Shack, by Wm. Paul Young. For anyone not knowing or having a relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, this is a must read. I must confess, I've lived my life beliveing in God, but not really understanding The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost meaning. This book has been an enlightening enjoyment. I've been particularly attached to page 127. Even as I past this page, I kept coming back to it and reading it again. Please, someone else read it and tell me what I'm attached to. This book seems to keep my inner fire burning for the faith I've always wanted to feel. I cant explain it in terms of what people could say i've usually commuicated my faith with....but it has touched me in ways i'd like to communicate now. If I could recommend any book this year, it's The Shack.

Nassau, Bahamas was awesome. Brian and I had laugh after laugh after laugh. We walked the steets of Nassau and enjoyed being with each other.  I love the way Brian travels and he loves the way I travel. We are always on the same agenda and love to do the same things. We love a certain amount of the touristy stuff and then love to get off the beaten path and risk a little unfamiliarity in conquering the uncertainty of the non-touristy stuff.  As long as we are in it together, we'll be fine. That is our motto!

Tonight, we leave the Bahamas and head home. I think we are both really anxious to get home and start our routine once again.....a little bit sad that we are leaving pardise, but knowing that our love for one another creates our own paradise within a small town called Tulsa, Oklahoma.  xoxo Stacie

Half Moon Cay, Bahamas

Today was amazing! Half Moon Cay is pretty much just a big beach island out in the Bahamas. Carnival Cruise Line has a sweet little set up here and brings cruisers here for beach fun and adventure. There isnt really a city or town on this island. When the cruisers arent here, there's really no one here. We did a Snorkle and Stingrays adventure tour. It was awesome!  Stingrays are so soft and cuddly. I couldnt believe I was snorkeling and petting these big creatures. Obviously these are pretty tame and used to travelers coming to see them, and they know exactly when feeding time is.

After the bus took us back to the main beach, Brian and I layed out for a while and swam in the crystal clear water...and the beer and strawberry daquiri's werent bad either.  I almost fell asleep on the lounge chair. The sun was hot, but the breeze was strong and cool, so it really made for a nice nap time.  Again, check back for pictures when I upload them from home. My words just cannot do the scenery justice. These are some of the most goregous beaches and water that I've ever seen. 

We got back to the ship early in the afternnon, about 2:00pm. This gave us time to have a late lunch and a good nap before dinner. I sat out on our room balcony for a while too, just listening the water softly hit the ship. We were tethered out in the water and had to take smaller passenger carrier boats to shore.  The ships have to do this when the water isnt deep enough for the cruise ships to pull up to a pier.

Off to the Lido Deck to get some chocolate soft serve icecreme. Yummy!!

Grand Turk, Turks & Caicos Islands

Today was were at Grand Turk for the day. We were here 2 years ago on our honeymoon cruise and I absolutely loved it. Its some of the best snorkeling I've ever done. We didnt book any excursions for this stop. We just beached it all day. The island looked a bit more inhabited than 2 years ago. Last time we were here there was only one restaurant on the island, Margaritaville. There was a second food/drink hut this time and they were building an additional pier down the beach from the Carnival pier. Their port shopping area was larger and they had more shops this time. Of course everything says "made in china", that's funny!

There is a lot of history in Grand Turk. It was founded hundreds of years ago and there are still wild horses and flamingos roaming the island. It is said that these islands were founded in 1492 by Columbus, but some argue that Ponce De Leon actually founded the islands prior to that. Astronaut John Glenn landed down at these islands in 1962, and since that time the Turks and Caicos Islands have become more well known to travelers.

When we were here 2 years ago I found a sand dollar while snorkeling. I was able to baby it and brought it back home with me.  I looked for one this time and found a small one, the size of a quarter. When I dove down to pick it up, it crumbled in my hands. At least I have the memory of finding one this time too.

We started the night off by attending the Captains "Past Guest" mixer and enjoyed the free champagne. The cruise ship is celebrating halloween so there are many spooky decorations up tonight. They are having a costume contest for both kids and adults. Brian and I did our fair share of bar hopping this evening and even spent some time in the sports bar so he could try and catch up on sports news. 

Time to hit the Lido Deck for some soft serve chocolate ice creme. My nightly favorite!

I'm On A BOAT!

4 am came early yesterday. It was hard to get out of bed since i didnt actually fall asleep until about 2:30 am.  That always happens when we go on vacation...I just cant sleep the night before. I'm a last minute packer and have been for as long as i can remember, so i was up till midnight finishing packing. then I was just awake. As soon as I drifted off the alarm clock rang.

This is our 5th cruise in the last 3 years. Yes, we love the Carnival Fun Ships!  what do I love about cruising you ask?  Well, it's one big party on a big ship in the middle of the ocean. there is always stuff to do and everyone is so nice. The ocean is amazingly beautiful and to sit out on the Lido Deck and watch the whitecaps of the waves at all hours of the night is therapeutic. The ocean is amazing. There are usually 2 dress up nights during each cruise so we can dress up and have professional photos taken at one or more of the many backdrops scattered throughtout the main deck. some of our best pictures together have come from our cruises.

Right now I'm in the Internet Cafe, located in the back of the Cigar Bar. One of many bars with bands playing. The band playing in here is a classic rock band. they just finished singing Free Bird, and now they are singing I Cant Fight This Feeling Anymore. The lead singer has a Eurpoean accent, so its a far stretch from the REO Speedwagon version that I'm used to. But you cant help but like it...he's putting so much emotion into it.

We were assigned to a 4 person dinner table this cruise. I usually prefer 8 tops or 10 tops. It's fun to meet different people and come together at the end of the day and share stories over great food. We arent "those people", meaning the ones who like to make friends on cruises and hang out. We pretty much keep to ourselves during the day, a "Brian and Stacie conquer the world" kind of thing.  But it is fun to spend an hour an evening with strangers and share stories.  The sad thing is...our table mates have yet to show up! Yep, a big disappointment. Fortunately, there are some cool people at the table next to us, so we can shoot the bull with them.

Last night was a blast. it was a casual night and after dinner, we came down here to the cigar bar and listened to the band and then went to the karaoke bar.  I sang a song in honor of our favorite cruise buddies, Jeremy and Amy. Yes, I sang Miley Cyrus, See You Again. I sucked!  I'm pretty sure I will be recieving a letter from the Carnival Destiny staff stating that I'm not allowed back in the Karaoke bar.  It was that bad. But I sang with enthusiasm and finished with pride! Yes, it was fun. (video to come later.)

Today was a fun day at sea. We took it easy. (Okay, the band is now playing the theme song to the movie Mannequin. This rendition of the 80's Starship song is very intertaining.)

We laid out today, I got some reading done, and napped. it was awesome!

Tomorrow we are in Grand Turk, part of the Turks and Caicos Islands. I love this place. We came here 2 years ago on our Honeymoon and it's by far my favorite set of islands.

I was hoping to be able to upload some pictures but i've only got a screen and keyboard to work with, with no USB ports. You'll get some pictures later.

We are calling this our 2 year anniversary cruise. If we were to have made tshirts for this one, it would be 2YAC.  :-)   We celebrated our 2 year anniversary a week ago. Brian is an amazing husband and has really stepped up and taken the lead in our relationship. He really gets things done, makes things happen, and he loves me so much. I adore him. We are in such a happy place right now and it's only bound to continue as we go into year 3. He has this way of making me laugh and smile like no one else can. And it just gets better every day.

Brian is on the other computer right now emailing friends.  The band just finished playing Sweet Home Alabama and is now playing Africa by Toto.  HA!! The cigar smoke is getting to me. That's all for tonight. xoxo

The Carnival Destiny

Two more days and we are boarding the Cruise ship! I'm so excited. You either love them or you hate them. Brian and I love them. This will be our 5th cruise in the last 3 years, and we hope to take 2 cruises in 2010.

Remember when we were young and we had our little boyfriends/girlfriends and we played so innocently and playfully.  Everything was laughter and joy. It was heartbeats and bliss.  We loved that time, we remember that time with emotions and thoughts of wonder. We wonder what happened to that laughter and joy. We want it back. Caribbean cruises play that part for The Nutts. We re-charge, we re-connect. We look out into the ocean and realize how small we are. We tear up at the amazement of the stars in the sky that reflect down on the dark black ocean waves that caress the skin of the ship in the middle of the dark night.

Here's to an awesome vacation! I'm wanting to post a daily download this week and keep you entertained by our awesome away time together. Stay tuned!  xoxo   Stacie

Our Nutty Bliss....2nd Anniversary

As B and I get ready to celebrate our second wedding anniversary, I reflect on how we've both grown so much this past year.  Year one was all about having fun and joining our lives together...evidenced by the laugh lines and tear stains going into year two.  Year two...the first half of it...was all about making a baby. This proved to be unsuccessful, so the second half of the year two was spent doing some much needed clutter cleaning in hopes to clear a path in a new direction. A direction that would get us to where we want to be. A happy marriage is more than just going through the motions. It's about gaining control of those motions and guiding your life in the direction you want to go. 

I know that Brian and I werent yet meant to be parents in the first half of this year.  Although we wanted it really bad and tried really hard, we just werent ready. I didnt know that at the time and was quite upset that God didnt see things my way. However, as I reflect back on how closer he and I have become these last 6 months, I realize that we wouldnt be this close now, if we were blessed with a child back then.

I think that makes us better and stronger. We are so close now and I am tickled at the thought of starting 2010 with him. We are both focused on making each other happy and in doing so we are finding so much joy in it. We laugh together more now than ever.  Again... we grow.

Did I tell you life is good?      ;-)

It's A Lifestyle Change

My lifestyle is a form of habits. Literally. Hubby says I'm A.D.D. and he has even been known to utter that term softly and sweetly when trying to get my attention from across the room. I go about my habits, making stops along the way. Maybe that is just my way of stopping to smell the flowers, so to speak, as I live my life of habits. Who knows how my path might be altered by the influence at one of those stops. Might be better, might be worse, but the experience in getting there is quite enjoyable. Our world is so much more visually stimulating than it used to be. Is a deficit in our attention span really a disorder? Or is it just more of a lack of self discipline and focus generated by an abundance of external stimuli?

Fortunately, I'm not on medication for A.D.D., or O.C.D. which is probably a more appropriate diagnosis for my "quirky habits", or "easily distracted" way of being.

I am, however, making efforts at a lifestyle change. A change in habits. I'm making a bigger effort at recognizing where my habits are waning in self discipline. Eating habits, exercise habits, work habits, wife habits, church habits, even household chore habits. When something starts to seem boring and unenjoyable, instead of looking for other things to do, I'm going to look for ways I can do those same things better. It's a lifestyle change.

I didn't get it in my 20's, how much more I'd enjoy life in my 30's. And I'm sure the same is true with each passing decade. The older I get the more I realize that life can be as complicated or as simple as I want it to be. In my case, I've come to realize that clutter, in all forms, brings me down. The more clutter I seem to notice and remove from my surroundings before it makes me feel closed in and crowded, the better I feel. It's much easier to eliminate clutter in your 30's than 20's. In my 20's I felt more inclined to collect clutter. Not just "stuff" type of clutter, but also relationship clutter, the clutter that emotional confusion creates, head clutter, the thoughts of the unknown. But in my 30's...and more specifically, late 30's, it's been easier to rid myself of clutter. All kinds of clutter. Life is good. It's a lifestyle change. Maybe it's the confidence and security that age brings that helps in letting go.

I'm running again...post lasering. Slowly but surely, the physical pain of that procedure is fading away. And I look great. I love my new shape and I want to keep it. I've removed the cluttered feelings that come with "working out". Running is now part of my weekly routine, a part of my life. A lifestyle change.

Below is a picture of B and I at the Kansas City Royals ballpark this summer. I love this picture and even though it doesn't relate to this blog, I'm including it anyway.

A Change In Seasons

I wasn't disappointed when a wheel came off the lawn mower tonight. Although it left the back yard with an odd design of mowed grass, we finished the front so at least the appearance of our front yard from the curb looks nice and manicured. The lawn mower breaking was a sure sign that we should have been spending our Friday night doing something different. B finished the edging and we put our things away for the night. Besides, it was getting dark and the bugs were plentiful. We got a late start since I got home a bit late from work after returning some borrowed baby items that we had from our friends Jeremy and Amy coming into town last weekend. It was their first time flying with their 5 month old, Noah. It is amazing how much packing is required when traveling with a baby. Yet, after spending the weekend with them, I'm even more convinced that it's time for Brian and I to become parents. It was a fun weekend, getting to see our friends and get to know baby Noah a little better. Below is little Noah with mommy Amy, then charming Brian and I to pieces!

B wanted to try and fix the mower or borrow a neighbors mower to finish the task, but I talked him out of it. Too dark and too buggy!

Funny observation though when I was mowing. Keeping in mind that I like to mow listening to my ipod, it just makes the job a bit more soothing. I love music of all kinds and being able to listen to it, uninterrupted, while it's being funneled clearly into my ears, just brings me a little bit closer to my emotionally artistic side. So, my summer play list that I've been happily listening to all summer....just seemed dead. I couldn't find anything I was interested in listening to. I've accumulated a good 100 or so summer songs that tugged on my music soul this summer, and all of a sudden, poof, I'm not interested in them anymore. Each time I'd find a song in the list I thought I would enjoy listening to, I'd start it and then I just wasn't feeling it. There wasn't one single song that I enjoyed connecting with. I took my ear buds out and just listened to the mower, until the wheel broke off, that is!

I guess our life has seasons, just like mother nature. The soundtrack of life's seasons changes just as quickly as the leaves on the trees. The grass in my lawn is thick, green, and weed free this season. In the winter season, it is not. The songs on my play list take me back to other memories of the summer where I heard them a lot before. Nothing was connecting tonight. I need to wipe out that play list, create a new one with other songs, and make some more memories. Don't get me wrong, those older ones aren't bad memories, and I'll think back to them often when things remind me of them. But I don't need to be carrying them around on my ipod. I've downloaded some great artists this month, so onward to the new season!

My fall soundtrack will entail some Jack Johnson. I downloaded him and he's been sitting on the back burner. Daughtry's new cd, Leave This Town, is rockin! I love it! He's definitely in my fall soundtrack. And Harry Connick Jr. and Eminem both have new cd's out, so I'll try them out too. I love all kinds of music. It all touches my emotions in some form or fashion. There is pleasure to be found in discovering new things.

If I Said You Have A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?

That has got to be one of my top favorites from the classic country genre. Released in 1979 by the Bellamy Brothers, it goes on to say... "If I swore you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?" It's a very simple song that gets right to the point.

Speaking of beautiful bodies..... I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about my latest "happening". (It seems as though I can be a bit shy with the "dear diary" blog-ishness of some of my posts.) But then I thought, why not?

I had a small Smart (laser) Lipo procedure last week. I had my 37 year old "love handles" sculpted down. They were done beautifully, if I may brag on my physician Dr. Guthrie. i don't consider myself a fat or larger person by any means. So don't think i have some sort of distorted body image issue, i don't. This was a simple gift to myself, to get rid of a midsection nuisance.

B and I are still very committed to our fertility goals, but we've decided to take a less aggressive path on our journey to getting pregnant and starting a family right now. I think my stressing and obsessing was doing me more harm than good. We've taken a break from letting that goal dictate every decision we make about everything, which was becoming the view from the road lately. When I do get pregnant, if I eat right and exercise appropriately, my nicely sculpted shape should return. I am really happy about the way my shape turned out. Not an over-the-top change by any means. Just a nice, proportionately done contouring. I will reveal all... recovery is not as "next day" as advertisers make is seem. it hurt like one hell of an SOB. But, I'm extremely happy I did it. Brian is happy that I'm happy. He plays the wonderful husband role very well, being able to compliment my new look without making me feel as if the "before" was any less pleasing. Just wait till the swelling goes down, wink wink!

Teen Angst...I Miss It. The Slow Progression Of A New Twilight Fan

Angst and anxiety come with growing up. It's a healthy part of our psyche i believe. Looking back at the teen angst years and remembering the innocence and the ignorance of that time, would you go back if you could? I finally watched the movie Twilight the other night. It wasn't what I was expecting, in that it was much tamer. I don't know why I thought it more of an adult vampire flick, i didn't have much reason to think that, or anything different for that matter. Nonetheless, it didn't peak my interest early on as it seemed to for so many others. I was so not on the Twilight band-wagon.

A few months ago I was at the mall doing some sister quality time and retail therapy. She's my best friend when it comes to fashion shopping. (We can really have some fun at a Dillard's 75% off sale.) She's always my partner in crime when it comes to explaining to my hubby why i need another pair of shoes or an oh-i-love-that pair of pants or pencil skirt. (Always after the purchase has been made of course.) I think I tried sneaking in a thing or two in the past, but he always notices. He's a pay attention kind of guy.

We were in the book store browsing between clothing department dressing room marathons. I always like to read what's on the Best Seller list. As in the titles, not the books themselves. And I always check out the clearance tables. They usually have the coolest reference books. I
most often cannot get out of a book store without buying a few books. I most enjoy the reference books of different topics, especially if they are easy reads. Most recently I bought this one and it's matching 50 Physics Ideas and 50 Philosophy Ideas.

So, once I've moved through the non-fiction selections, I saw a table with fiction sellers. A good long book to read when I'm relaxing on our upcoming cruise would be great. I see the Twilight table that has totally dedicated itself to the franchise. It peaked my interest.

I even asked the sales lady if it was really as good as all the hype. Her answer must have been a good one, since I ended up buying it to accompany me on the mornings during the cruise when I wake up early, as the sun is rising over the ocean horizon, and throw on a swimsuit from the day before (and a killer new cover up I just ordered from VS...or my jean cutoffs and a sweatshirt, or my pj's, i did that on more than one occasion during my 2:00am cravings for soft serve chocolate ice cream that's on a serve-yourself basis 24/7).... then head up the elevator to the Lido Deck and grab some coffee and a danish. If Brian gets up too, we usually do the whole eggs, bacon, and pancakes routine.

Elevators in the Main Atrium

Lido Deck

Carnival Destiny

Then I make my way to a lounge chair on the top deck of the massive ship, this literal playground on the sea, to get my fill of the perfectly balanced cool/warm breeze on my enjoyably sensitive sun baked skin. The ocean is such a wonderous mysterious living being with infinite options of personality. I'm most often taken away and humbled by it's depth, both physically and spiritually. I drink my coffee. I read a bit.

I bought the book. It's sitting in the small "cruise necessities" pile. (Let me digress and say how MUCH I'm looking forward to our upcoming vacation. It didn't seem like too long ago that we were on our last cruise. This time with a true pair of BFF's, Jeremy and Amy. What a great year 2008 was. Lot's of memories. But the Year In Review is another Dear Diary entry.)

....I was having trouble getting sleepy one night last week or so. While flipping through the channels I decided to watch Twilight on On Demand. I love movies. All kinds of movies. And I wish I had more time to watch movies. I love the entertainment value of a great movie and the escape into the emotions of others existence, the fictional and non fictional drama.

I struggled with whether I should read the Twilight book first, then watch the movie. Or vice versa. This time, I chose to see the movie first. Amazingly wonderful movie. Absolutely exceeded my expectations. And for a fictional movie of such youthful innocence, it had the ability to hit at those emotional inner strings that have permanent, albeit hidden at times, memories of our own teen angst years embedded in the fibers. Twilight strikes a chord. And it feels good.

I'm inclined to believe that I'll get more pages of the book read during my trip, now that i've been comfortably afflicted by the on-screen version of the story. I have become a Twilight fan.

What Keeps My Sanity In Check

My experiences over the past 37 years have taught me that my happiness and sanity comes from maintaining 2 separate lives for myself. My work life and my home life. When one starts to seep into the other it causes unnecessary and unwanted drama. I'm more joyful in both of my two environments when they are maintained individually and free from each other. I am working at a facility where I have chosen, for the first time in my professional career, to not develop any emotionally attached friendships with any of my co-workers, fellow directors, or my boss... "friendships" meaning spending time with co-workers outside of work, on weekends, or at social things outside the requirements of the job. Mixing work and play is hard to balance and when the balance is off, personal drama ensues.

At age 37 I feel more comfortable, confident and content in my own skin than I've ever been in any of the previous chapters of my life. I'm enjoying this more and more each day. However, I'm having trouble with the 3-years-from-40 equation. I've not really been one to notice my age at any time throughout my life, but this year it's been sitting annoyingly and noticeably on my back like the too large shoulder pad of an oversized, out of fashion 1990's button-up shirt. Should I be excited that I'm 3 years from 40 and think of it as a glowing milestone in life that will transport me to another dimension where the motto plays out to be true... life really does start at 40?. If I can roll into my 40's rockin it like Diane Lane or Jennifer Aniston, then bring it on I say! BTW, I'm back to running three nights a week and it feels great! I'm also attempting to change my grocery shopping habits and buy more organic. More on all this on a later post. .....Back to my 2-separate-lives theory of happiness....

I love my work life and everything about my job, including the people and tasks that make it what it is. I couldnt imagine doing anything different or being anywhere else. I'm fulfilled professionally by conquering the challenges of healthcare human resources and operations and celebrating the small but frequent victory's that come around quite often when you make a conscious effort to notice them.

I love my home life and everything about my awesome family and friends. We support each other unconditionally and never begrudge each other our joys. We play hard because we know we work hard to be able to. We enjoy life's ups and downs and laugh often with each other. Discussing memories we've made together, dreams we've yet to achieve, and all the blessings in our life is how we pass the time when we're together. Time passes quickly and joyfully.

I love my two lives and what each require of me. Keeping my efforts separate, and taking a break every day from each one, is what keeps me loving them both. That's what keeps me happy and sane, and loving it all.

It's A Must To Love Your Hair Dresser!

It is! And I really think I found a new permanent hair chick again. It's been several years, yes I said years, since I had a relationship with a hair dresser I love. I've been trying to find someone I click with for a long time. When the lady I had gone to for years and years left the business, suddenly and due to illness, it left me lonely and confused. I had to start "trying out" new ones. That totally sucks. You never know what it's going to be like, it's like a blind date. So I've been "dating around" for the last 3 and a half years so to speak, trying to find that special someone that I, and my hair, connect with.

I'm excited to say I really believe the search is over. A friend of mine told me about Allison and said she and her family have been going to her for many years. I've had her phone number in my wallet for a while, but neglected to call. Sinking to my lowest at the observation of my silver gray roots extending out from my scalp a good inch and a half, I finally called her last week for her first available appointment. It was for today. The salon is great, about a mile from my office towards downtown. It's directly next door to Tiny Lounge, a great little bar I had been to before, but so tiny and not frequent enough, I didn't realize there's been a salon next door to it for the past 4 years. It's on the edge of the downtown redevelopment efforts, the art district of t town i guess.

Allison and I hit it off right away. She knew exactly what I was telling her when explaining what I'm looking for in a hair chick and the cut and color I prefer. It was great. The color came out perfect as if I'd been going to her for years. And we really had a good dialogue the entire time. Honestly, I felt like hugging her when I left. I knooooow! She was that awesome.

Come on, when you sit for 2.5 to 3 hours, every 6 weeks religiously, with someone who is grooming a part of your body the entire length of your stay, you want someone you enjoy as much as possible. I don't want to settle for a bad experience. And it's been a few years worth of bad or mediocre experiences. I wouldn't say I'm more picky than the average Joe about finding the right one, and I'm certainly not afraid of commitment, I just really couldn't find anyone I liked enough. Then that just leads to a depressing cycle of waiting. I've really let myself go at times, afraid of calling the less-than-impressive, yet familiar, person. I knew i wasn't going to be wowed by the outcome, so why stay motivated to commit to a routine.

The torture is over. I think I'll be sticking with Allison. I'm out of my hair funk finally. This brightens my day on so many levels. When my hair looks like crap, i look like crap, which makes me feel crappy. it's a vicious cycle. The clouds have parted. My hair looks great, it no longer wants to bow it's little head in shame. woo-hoo!!

Seriously, this calls for a celebration. Let's celebrate with a clothing purchase. I think I see a new shirt in my near future.

Approaching End Of Year Two

I'm more in love with my husband today than at any other time of our short, almost 2 year marriage. We celebrate our 2nd anniversary in mid October. It's true what they say, the first year is definitely the hardest. But the hard work pays off. Remember those 6 words every time you start to struggle with whether or not it really does, at any year.

My first one went through 6 years. Exactly five years, 9 months and 4 days. From wedding date to the divorce date. Don't get me wrong, I don't recite that to myself everyday as some sort of self infliction of emotional pain. Frankly, that was the first time I sat down and calculated it out...just for kicks this evening. But I digress.

We start to realize this more as we grow older. Each year that is. If we take what we learn during the growth of our first year and apply it to our actions when living the 2nd year, we succeed in capturing some happy peaceful times. And so on and so forth. (I believe the emphasis on the words in that phrase are "on" and "forth", not the two "so" word as people most commonly say. And it sounds even better with a slight English air. You can somewhat picture Renee Zellwigger repeating those words in a line from one of her chick flicks. "...and so ON.....and so FORTH!......"

Again, digressing.

B and I are in a happy peaceful chapter in our marriage. Enjoying the memories we worked hard to get. This past year, and more so these last couple of months, going through our fertility struggles together has brought us closer. I love him so much for that. Both Brian him and God Him. We've come to understand each other more deeply and more patiently. And we laugh more together. I just adore him.

I will admit, B and I are much better people, much happier, and things seem to go our way more often when we are attending church regularly. I'm not what some would call a bible waiver, don't get me wrong, but I love church. I haven't always loved church, nor have i always attended church; truth be told, there have been several times throughout my life where I've seriously doubted the existence of God and Jesus. Those were, looking back now, sad times, although growing, evolving times. At the time they were just plain lost and confused times. I can look back now and smile proudly that those times are over and feel blessed that those times have led me to where I am today. We leave church every Sunday feeling rejuvenated and happy and emotionally inspired. Who wouldn't want that? Seriously.

Back to happy people. Our music director who sort of probably wouldn't know us from Adam (pun very intended), Jesse, gets us pumped every Sunday morning. Pastor Hess is great too. He married us. We started looking for a home church shortly after B moved in. We really didn't look long, SHBC was the 3rd one we visited and it just clicked. We went for a while, we joined, then I got baptised there, we got married there, and after 2 years of attending, i think we might now join a life group and make some friends there. Church friends. That's a big step. It's a big responsibility to take on the commitment to make friends.

B and I have our routine of going to lunch right after church. It's a Nutt thing to do. We love it because it's corny, but we pick out a different restaurant each Sunday, just for kicks. It's a must to be playful.

These seem to be my thoughts tonight. It is getting very late, but I am having trouble sleeping. It's 2:10 in the morning. My body is tired and my head is fighting it. The sound of the storm outside is soothing. My boxer is laying on the ottoman behind me and snoring softly. B is in bed and has been for about an hour and a half. I smile as I say that because the thought of him brings happiness to my heart and thus a smile to my face. That triggers my desire to go lay in bed next to his warm body and end this sharing of my minds' labors tonight. My eyes are heavy.

Goodnight blog.

I'm addicted to blogs...

I don't know how it happened, but I've become strangely addicted to blogs. Not just writing in my own, but also reading other peoples. My interest in other peoples blogs has crept up on me like an incurable rash. I just love clicking on the "next blog" button to see who's blog is going to pop up. There is a never ending scroll of peoples blogs, from all over the world, that will keep popping up as long as you keep clicking that button. I can try and mask the itch of curiosity, but why, when scratching feels so good!

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to how they pop up. They are in no particular order and have no common subject matter. I do get annoyed when I get a string of foreign language blogs come up all in a row, though. I understand that people in china want to share their family happenings with their family and friends, just like we Americans do, and I don't mind viewing them every now and again...it kind of reminds me how we human beings, all over the world, are really so very similar in our goals, dreams, and challenges, for being so very different in other ways... however, I wish there was a way to filter what kinds of blogs pop up when you click on the "next blog" button. I don't like the blogs where people sell their crap either, just the blogs where people share their memories and adventures of life. Maybe there is a way to filter and I just don't know about it, being new to this whole blog thing myself.

Other peoples blogs can be so fun. I've been hiking through the mountains in Glacier National Park along the Continental Divide vicariously through a man named Tom. He's such an amazingly adventurous individual and has taken me on an enjoyable trip. His blog has been great to follow. I have no idea who he is, but he's been an awesome virtual hiking guide!

It's interesting... the kinds of reactions you get from people you know, who don't blog, when you tell them you are blogging. I either get a "oh wow, that's so great, I wish I had time to do that", or an "oh......why would you want to put your life out there like that?". Well, I do admit, that last reaction came only once and from my twin sister, so I'm not sure if she really counts. My friends and family who are interested in what Brian and I are up to, but are too spread out around the U.S. to keep up regularly, are very excited that we've started to blog. And I've been having a lot of fun sharing our memories with everyone. Since I talk to my sister everyday, and sometimes multiple times a day, she's pretty much always in the know.

Once we get a baby Nutt added to the family, it will be even that much more exciting to document our memories on the blog. And I keep praying that will happen soon.

As said in an earlier post, we are taking some time off from the baby making obsession. That, however, has translated into not having an IUI procedure in August and trying on our own to get the timing right, then if it doesn't happen, trying another IUI in September. (It's amazing how your life, literally, becomes a schedule of months when you are trying to conceive. And you've only got 12 short shots at it in a years time period.)

We have planned, and paid for, the cruise we talked about going on. We are going in October. The fact that we've paid for it and are all excited about rum-ing it up surely means pregnancy is imminent, right? Let's hope so! I'd take a sober cruise in exchange for pregnancy, definitely. We are going to 3 awesome stops and will probably do a couple of excursions this time. I want to do a zip line through the Bahama jungle, and I want to swim with dolphins and sting rays. We are saving Grand Turk for our beach day, and are not planning any excursions for that stop. Grand Turk, of the Turks and Caicos Islands, is absolutely gorgeous. It's small, unoccupied, and the water and sand is amazing. It's a little piece of heaven out there in the Caribbean ocean!

Here's to looking forward to our 2nd wedding anniversary gift to ourselves, a much needed cruise to the Caribbean! Since the 2nd year is represented by cotton, we'll make sure and buy each other pirate t-shirts or something!

I've taken my summer back!

Today is Sunday, August 9th, 2009.  Damn, what a great day!  A great day that ended a great weekend. Brian and I are amazingly blessed!

New favorite song and album.  Half Truism, by The Offspring.  Off of the Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace CD.  Killer song.  That's my mood this weekend.  It's been a relaxing, fun weekend!    :-)    I'm still smiling! 

Why, you ask, since I got the bad news on friday?  (I wasn't pregnant on friday, when I went in for my blood test after our IUI procedure.)  That's okay.  It's not meant to be this time. What was meant to be, however, was Brian and I finding a truck to buy, getting our Seadoo fixed, and just having a fun time with parents one day, and on the lake the next.  We've been wanting to trade the Miata in for a while. Brians been wanting a truck, an F150, just something nice and used. We finally found one that fit.  It was hard parting with the Miata. I've had her for 9 years, since her birth.  But, it was time. We evolve.  

Brian looks hot in the truck. It is so much more his personality, and it's his.  

Yesterday Brian's parents came in town and we went to lunch for Brian's birthday.  They are so awesome! (Here we are in Kansas City at a baseball game last month.)

After they left, we went to drive and buy the truck.  Brian and I mowed, and did yard work. The yard probably looks the best it's looked all summer.  I transplanted some flowers on friday night, that was fun. It was fun getting my hands in the dirt. I've not done too much of that this summer either.  

So back to the awesome weekend.  I took my summer back.  No more obsessing about getting pregnant and having baby's.  When it happens it happens.  On with the fun until it does.  And I'm starting to run again tomorrow too, I'm looking forward to that feeling.  

Today we went to the lake and got the Seadoo out for the first time this summer.  We went to Lake Skiatook, it's close.  It wasn't too busy at all, so it was nice.  Today was only the 2nd time we've been out to the lake this summer.  We are usually there every weekend in some form or fashion, either with friends, or just the two of us.  But we've been so focused on being still, getting pregnant, and not doing anything else.  No more.  It was so awesome getting out on the water today. We had a few beers with us. I was so in my happy place.  It's therapeutic....retail therapy and lake therapy are my two remedies for stress, confusion and burnout.  Prioritized as appropriate, depending on the circumstances. I love getting out on the water, mid summer, when you have the warm sun and breeze brushing up against your lightly sunburned skin. It felt so good.  I love it when the sun is going down and starts to make the waves/wakes glisten with shiney tips as it dances with the wind.  My favorite thing to do on summer mornings at the lake is to get out on the water before 7:00am and just skim across the top of the water on a lake that resembles a gigantic piece of glass. The wildlife is just waking up and the water is so still. It's refreshing.  I love it. Find a good cup of coffee at a marina, and the world is at peace...at least for that brief moment in time.  We had a great time out on the water today. Woo hoo for summer!  Thank God it's not over yet!

I think Brian and I are going to plan another cruise.  Probably before the year is over.

 

Here are some fun cruise shots from the last couple of cruises we've been on.  We have so much fun on cruises, especially when Jeremy and Amy join us.  Here's to awesome friends and cruise buddy's!

Ya.....we are definitely planning another cruise this year. Maybe for our 2nd anniversary in October.  Good times! Good times.  Here's to the rest of the summer.  Have a good one, and pray for happiness, peace, and babys!  xoxo

BFN

BFN.... that's infertility code for Big Fat Negative, as in the pregnancy test taken 14 days post IUI. Friday the 7th, 2009.  Not pregnant. I am not pregnant. I don't get why i'm not pregnant, as I had 3 beautiful follicles and everything looked great, but I guess they didn't feel like getting fertilized this month.  

I'm taking a month or two off.  I've reflected.  I've been too focused on getting pregnant. I think if I dont think about it for a while, it might happen. At least that's what they always say.  

I'm Moody!

I’m obsessing! I know this about myself, so it’s double torture. I’m angry that I obsess, and then I’m angry that I don’t have the self control to not obsess since I’m so aware that I obsess. Why does obsessing seem to breed negativity? Why can’t obsessing breed positivity? Why do I find myself starting to resent all the people who seem to get pregnant easily? (Friends and family excluded, of course!) Especially those young, unemployed kids who don’t deserve to be parents right now anyway, I just don’t get it.

And it doesn’t help that a pediatrician friend of mine just told me this morning about a 15 year old patient of hers that she had to tell was pregnant yesterday. A cute little 15 year old volleyball player, who is 21 weeks along and didn’t know it. Wants to abort it, but cant. 21 weeks is too late to abort. So now she, the 15 year old, and her family have to deal with this bad news. My friend told me I should “think about adoption”. Thanks, I thought. I’ll get right on that, you insensitive little *&^%#. I’m not ready to think about adoption and I certainly don’t want someone else to tell me I need to think about adoption. I know she meant well, but it really irritated me.

Don’t get me wrong. There are SO many wonderful kids and babies out there that need good parents and homes, and I’m not against adoption. I know several couples who have adopted due to infertility. And they have wonderful stories and wouldn’t change a thing about how they came to become parents. It’s just that adoption is a HUGE decision that can’t be made on a whim. And, geez, it seems that I CAN get pregnant. I’ve got pregnant twice now. They both ended in miscarriage, but I GOT pregnant. It’s too early to give up on the cause right now….there are so many options we’ve not explored. And who’s to say that this Friday won’t be a day of celebration?

I’m moody today. Friday can’t get here fast enough.

I know why I’m moody. My need to know thoughts culminated this morning with me taking a pregnancy test. Knowing damn well it was too early. 11 days post IUI is way too early for the over-the-counter tests to register a positive result, even if I am pregnant. And I know that, but I took one anyway and now I’m bummed because it said “not pregnant”. Is this a form of self mutilation? Emotional mutilation? Or is this my way of trying to lessen the disappointment I might feel on Friday if I get bad news?

One good thing for me to keep in mind is that I’m not experiencing my usual premenstrual symptoms. My 29 day cycle is up this Saturday. Usually a week before I start my period, I’m eating everything in sight and I’m bloated to the point of discomfort. I’m not right now, so that’s either a sign that I’m pregnant and my cycle isn’t going to start OR it could mean that my cycle is thrown off by the hormones and everything and maybe it’s just going to start late, if I’m indeed not pregnant. I like the first scenario the best, so I’m going to try to hang onto that one until Friday.

Brian wont let me take any more pregnancy tests before Friday. Besides the fact that the $7 price tag on those digital ones are a little much to be wasting, he doesn’t like me getting all bummed out for no reason. And he is right. I’m glad I have him by my side to reason with me. Brian is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s a true blessing to my life. He’s my husband, and he’s my best friend. I love him dearly. Okay…now I’m smiling again. On with the rest of the day!

"Greater than 20"

On any typical day, those words..."greater than 20"...could mean almost anything. Number of items on my grocery list, movies on my Blockbuster que, DIY projects around the house, ounces of icecreme I can eat in one sitting, number of pounds I probably need to lose due to my icecreme addiction. Almost anything. Today, however, what "greater than 20" means is my progeterone count! WOOHOO! Greater than 20 is a great result!

I went for my first post IUI blood draw yesturday morning. Yesturday was 5 days post IUI (and day 19 of my cycle). When the nurse called me with the results, i was antsy, fully prepared to hear her say that my progesterone is low again. But, fate played one on me this time. The nurse said that my level was "greater than 20, which is excellent". YES!! She said this meant that my corpus luteum is doing exactly what it's supposed to, and thickening my uterus lining in preparation to hold a fertilized egg. Now, this doesnt necessarily mean that all things are all right, yet. I go back next friday for my second blood draw, which is when they will give me the official pregnancy test to find out if I am, indeed, prego.

Patience might be a virtue, but for those of us who have little of it, it's torture!

Brian and I bought a pregnancy test a few days ago. And took it, knowing darn well it would register positive since the trigger shot that I gave myself before the IUI procedure would still be in my system. (It lasts in your system for 10 days) We just wanted to see it say positive. HA! We got all excited and then just looked at each other like, well, hopefully it will be the same result next week. It was worth the $10.99 we paid for the package of two digital tests. And we will probably take another one on monday, since that will be enough time for the trigger shot hormone to be out of my system. Hopefully my body will be producing the hcg hormone on it's own, due to being pregnant, and it will register another positive. It could be negative though, even it I am pregnant. If there is not enough time that passes between when the trigger shot hormone is gone and my body is producing high enough levels of natural hcg to register on an over-the-counter pg test, then we could get a false negative. That would kind of suck. I'd want to go buy more tests and pee on a stick every morning all week. Friday, the 7th, when I go back for the true test, my blood test, we'll know for sure!

Life is so funny! You just cant plan some of the ironic things that happen. This time last year we were getting ready to leave for a cruise with our good friends Jeremy and Amy. We left on August 8th, 2008. That very day, Amy found out she was pregnant. And here we sit, waiting for the pregnancy to take hold. And I will find out definitely if I'm preggo on my August 7th, 2009 doctors appointment. One day off of exactly one year following their news, we just may be blessed with the exact same news.

With 2 miscarriages this year, i'm SO hopeful that the 3rd time is a charm. I know I said it felt right last time. But can I say that it feels even more right this time? If I'm insanely positive, will it make a difference?